A Room with No View?

It's always amazing to me how when I finally feel like I have a handle on things, something happens that shows me that I just don't!

There is lots happening for me right now. I am moving. That's always fun. There are some very good parts to it, but I'll save that for another post.

At work, I found out today that I have to move to yet another office. But it's bigger, they tell me. Well, that is true...it is. But it's a room with no view. I look out my door to an empty cubicle. I have been at this job for less than 2 years. This is the 5th time I have had to move my workspace. Now granted, last time I did move to an office. I was sooooo excited because I could finally listen to my music NOT without using headphones. I could use a lamp instead of that awful fluorescent lighten...I mean seriously...does anyone look good in that light???? But I digress...I really was very excited about finally having an office. I mean come on...I'm a VP at my organization. And not that the title means all that much, I would think it would at least come with an office!

So I got my office. And I made it my office. Hung up some nice prints and an big ole bulletin board. Hung up fun pictures of my family. I even finally got a print of the Bob picture....that's for another post. Just the other day, I was showing my office to someone and as I was showing said Bob picture, I remember thinking "I am really happy and comfortable in the office!" The kiss of death apparently.

So today the CEO's assistant calls me and leaves a message to please see her. Since her desk is (well...was) only about 50 ft from mine, I just walked over there. She just plainly says..."I need to move you to Stephanie's old office. Jane is taking yours." Well, I am happy for Jane....my old office is a great office! And she needs me to do it today. FUN FUN! As I begin to pack up my crap, the CEO sticks her head in and (sort of) jokingly says. "I felt like you were way too settled, so I needed to move you again." Well gee, thanks! I guess it's good that she notices me! :P

So I am moving my office into the bigger office with no view. I am not sure why it bothers me. Many people would be more than happy to have this office. I guess I'll get to a happier place about it. I can rehang the prints and the pictures. I can move my lamp. I can still listen to my ipod on the oh-so-cool sharper image speaker thing that lights up to the music. (Can anyone way more money than I needed to spend???)

Maybe the lesson is I need to be better about embracing the change. Maybe I should try to own it more. I need to remember that I am creating this experience. It's my experience and really mine alone. It's neither good nor bad in and of itself. It's innate goodness or badness is really only in how I choose to experience it. I should learn to keep my own power and not give is away so easily to others (we teach what we have to learn, huh G? hehe).

Maybe the only reason I thought this was a room with no view is because I wasn't really looking in the right place????

Inspiration or Perspiration

So...this is my first blog.

I am feeling awfully inspired to write lately. Actually, I have always felt an urge to write. The problem was...or better yet...IS...that I don't really know what I want to right about or what I want to say. But actually, that's not really true either. I have plenty of ideas...odd musings that are constantly rolling around in my head. Quirky turns of phrase. Rhymes that seem poetic. I even had (have) an idea for a play...which frankly if I ever got out of my head would be pretty damn funny...maybe even clever!

The problem has always been that I don't think I can turn the rantings in my head into something on paper that makes sense. It's the age old self-doubt issue rearing it's ugly head. Story of my life! And I guess the story of many of our lives...

So this brings me to the interesting place of what changed...why write now? And why blog where anyone can read it? What's different for me?

Well, honestly, lots! There are many thing happening right now for me....some good...some not so good. (Again...not so different from most everyone else!). I am sure that I will write about some of the things here. That's part of what this is about. It's a way for me to help sort things out...seek advice maybe...vent - absolutely...and mostly quiet the noise in my head by taking at least these words out.

But the main thing that is different is the inspiration. I am feeling (finally) the inspiration to write. I think it's a combination of things. Partly it's cause I am older and probably just care less about what people think! But it's partly to the inspiration I find in others. I recently met someone who inspires me in many ways....sort of feeds me in a spiritual way....which is a really good thing for me. And something that I desperately needed. He has a genuineness and a vulnerability that I want to emulate. This is a way I can do that.

But that leads to the absolute fear that I am feeling as I write this...literally sweating. Who is really going to care about what I have to say? All those self-doubt and self-worth issues are swirling around my head like a swarm of killer bees. (I am not sure how I know they are killer bees as opposed to the regular, law abiding bees, but I just know!) I am swatting at them, but they are aiming to sting me. And so, since I have watch many a cartoon in my day, I know that when you are being chased by a swarm of not-s0-nice bees, you have to jump in the water...all at once.

So here I am...jumping in! I am hoping that I don't drown. Some part of me knows that things are NEVER as bad as we imagine they will be. The fear of the thing is worse than the thing itself. I am choosing to believe that this will be true here. I will work on this blog. I will share my thoughts and ideas. I will welcome the thoughts and ideas of others. I expect that I will learn something in the process.

So when all is said and done, this blog is for me. It's a personal journal, a problem-solver, a soap box. And it's a milestone...a huge leap of faith for me. I guess what we'll all find out is now that I have jumped...will I fall or will I fly?